Comparison of Philosophical Theories in the Late 20th Century

Capitalism - He who dies with the most toys, wins.
Hari Krishna - He who plays with the most toys, wins.

Catholicism - He who denies himself the most toys, wins.
Anglican - They were our toys first.

Greek Orthodox - No, they were OURS first.
Atheism - There is no toy maker.

Polytheism - There are many toy makers.
Evolutionism - The toys made themselves.

Church of Christ Scientist - We are the toys.
Communism - Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you are in big trouble if we catch you selling yours.

Ba'hai - All toys are just fine with us.
Amish - Toys with batteries are surely a sin.

Taoism - The doll is as important as the dumptruck.
Mormonism - Every boy can have as many toys as he wants.

Voodoo - Let me borrow that doll for a second.
Hinduism - He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals, loses.

7th Day Adventist - He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses.
Southern Baptist - If your toy is a Disney product, you have a one-way ticket to Heck.

Jehovah's Witnesses - He who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins.
Pentecostalism - He whose toys can talk, wins.

Existentialism - Toys are a figment of your imagination.
Confucianism - Once a toy is dipped in the water, it is no longer dry.

Agnosticism - It is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference.
Unitarian Universalism - We still haven't decided if the toys exist..